Birds and the Bees at Three

with love from detroit

Jack has been asking me to rock him to sleep at night. He knows it is my kryptonite. He can ask for water. “NO.” He can ask for just one more book. “NO. But if he asks me to rock him like a little biddy baby in my arms, I cannot resist. I rock him and hold back the tears as I desperately hope it is not the last time he will ask me.

A lot of times, when he asks, I will tell him stories from when he was a baby. Tonight, I went deep, telling him about the night he was born. I told him Aunt Joanna and Uncle Steve were there

Jack: “Was Eve there?”

Me: “No honey, Eve was still in Auntie Jo’s belly.  Well, I guess she was there. She just wasn’t born yet.”

Next I told him that Lita, Grandpa Tim, Grandma Monica and Grandpa John were all there. Then this happened.

Me: “Oh and A and J were there too.”

Jack: “Was V there too?”

Me: “No honey. She wasn’t even in Aunt A’s belly yet.”

Oops. I knew immediately that I had opened Pandora’s Box. I had a general idea of where this conversation would go but I always imagined I would be more cool about it. Not the case. Let’s continue.

Jack: “Did she still have to order the baby?”

Me: “What?”

Jack: “Did she still have to order the baby?”

Me: “Well, kind of, yes. She had to order the baby still.”

Jack: “Where did she order it from?”

Pause…pause…pause…

Me: “Ummm…She ordered it from Uncle J.”

Jack: “Where did he put it?”

[Giggling Uncontrollably (me not Jack)]

Me: “Ummm…in her belly”

[I decided belly was misleading]

“I mean her uterus.”

Should have stuck with belly and offered the boy a bowl of ice cream to take his mind off the topic at hand. I needed time to collect my thoughts and approach at a later date.

Jack: “Does he open her uterus to put the baby in there?”

This had gone too far and I have been reduced to an immature, non-stop giggle shop. It was in everyone’s best interest that I pull the plug on this conversation.

Me: “No. A and J decided they wanted to be parents and so J gave a baby to A. That baby grew bigger and bigger in A’s uterus until the day it was time for her to come out. That’s the day V was born. You know who was at the hospital the day V was born?”

Jack: “Who?”

Me: “Me.”

Pause…pause…pause…

Jack: “Was Hudson there too?”

Me: “Okay, time for bed!”

With love from Detroit,

Callie

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2 Comments
  • Linda Staley
    August 19, 2014

    Hilarious!!! I can recall some sweet conversations myself. So glad you wrote it all down so you never forget it!

  • Kerri Staeck
    August 20, 2014

    So cute! You will be glade to look back on those little memories someday. They grow up so, so fast.

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